| Ripping out hearts and eating you alive's Journal |
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Ripping out hearts and eating you alive
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[08 Nov 2009|08:43pm] |
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fuck you. so much. thats not fair
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[07 Sep 2009|09:56am] |
new tatoo! started it friday done by sean ambrose at midnight moon in meredith nH.
its a tribute to zelda and tolkien. the three heart containers with a little bit of life left is zelda. the word estel is elvish for "hope"
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[05 Aug 2009|05:50pm] |
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so a little while back, someone somehow managed to steal my identity. way lame. lots of accrued bills for places and heat and electric and shit. lots of bullshit. so today i got a call from collection agency about my past due account which happened to be for a few cellphone lines. great news. these dumb fuckers are still using them. and unless they get rid of them within 24 hours im going to know where they are. and if the cops dont do something about it(extremely high chance they will obviously) but every ounce of me is this close to going there and cutting their fucking guts out. i know thats awful. but ive been dealing with this shit for almost a year now. and theyre going to fucking pay. with all they have. they fucked up my life. im going to bury theres 6 feet underground. these fuckers have no idea what theyve brought on themselves. i dont have much right now, and the edge is realllllll fucking close.
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[07 Jun 2009|01:01pm] |
Awesome weekend! hung out with zac and his roomate erica, met some cool new people. worked a ton, but saturday my sister and her boyfriend had their college grad party. fun as fuck. today should be good as well.
finally coming to terms with some shit. getting past it. oh well.
heres to a good summer to come
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[24 May 2009|08:32am] |
soooo
busy week. worked a ton. got a puppy on monday. shes a boxer/hound mix. shes amazing. but shes fucking hyper as hell and gets up around 5 30ish. every morning. and doesnt go back to sleep. oh well, shes fun.
need more hanging out.
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| damien rice "accidental babies" |
[04 May 2009|05:46pm] |
hope she sees this
Well I held you like a lover
Happy hands and your elbow in the appropriate place
And we ignored our others, happy plans
For that delicate look upon your face
Our bodies moved and hardened
Hurting parts of your garden
With no room for a pardon
In a place where no one knows what we have done
Do you come
Together ever with him?
And is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
And do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?
Well you held me like a lover
Sweaty hands
And my foot in the appropriate place
And we use cushions to cover
Happy glands
In the mild issue of our disgrace
Our minds pressed and guarded
While our flesh disregarded
The lack of space for the light-hearted
In the boom that beats our drum
Well I know I make you cry
And I know sometimes you wanna die
But do you really feel alive without me?
If so, be free
If not, leave him for me
Before one of us has accidental babies
For we are in love
Do you come
Together ever with him?
Is he dark enough?
Enough to see your light?
Do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
Do you miss my smell?
And is he bold enough to take you on?
Do you feel like you belong?
And does he drive you wild?
Or just mildly free?
What about me?
What about me?
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[25 Mar 2009|12:22pm] |
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dont know what it is about this. week. besides working being awful, everythings looking up. im feeling. good. upbeat. i think something goods coming. i can feel it. and i fucking deserve it
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[21 Mar 2009|12:19pm] |
these need to happen asap:
change in job
change in scenery
and getting the hell out of here. leaving this shit behind. so sick of nh. so ready to leave it.
things have been going well though, studying alot and hopefully going to get a new job soon. then its just a matter of time. and ill be out of this terrible place.
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[15 Feb 2009|01:28pm] |
Il pleut, il pleut,
J'ai peur, j'ai peur,
Il pleut, il pleut,
J'ai peur, j'ai peur
J'ai peur que je vais roullier ce soir
Il pleut, il pleut,
J'ai peur, j'ai peur,
Il pleut, il pleut,
J'ai peur, j'ai peur,
J'ai peur que mon temps soit expiree,
J'espere que vous viendriez me secher
J'espere que vous pouvez me reperer
J'ai peur que je vais roullier ce soir
Mon coeur,
Changera de la ciel au l'arc du ciel
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[08 Feb 2009|09:44pm] |
soo very long weekend. mostly bad. found out some shitty news. kinda bummed me out alot.
oh well,
went to a show on saturday night . the singer from bayside played by himself. awesome time.
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[01 Feb 2009|11:11pm] |
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some changes will be happening soon. hopefully. they really need to . im not too impressed with life as of late and this would be a good start. possibly a new job. soo. we'll see. it would be nice to go to a place and not want to shoot myself in the face cuz of the assholes i work with
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[13 Jan 2009|12:19pm] |
pretty amazing night last night.
and yes the stars are aligned
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[01 Jan 2009|10:58pm] |
good start to the new year. partied last night with roma, zac, gadzik, phil and peyj. it was at this kid brandon and his wifes house. awesome time. rock band. drinking. great night. then we had a big breakfast today and i slept some. got mortal kombat vs dc. fucked up my sister and her boyfriend in it. then my family and i watched the dark knight.
good couple days. im off tommorrow too. aaaannnd im very excited. :)
things are looking up
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[04 Dec 2008|04:45pm] |
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things are looking up :)
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[02 Dec 2008|12:28pm] |
things are changing. feels like for the worst. but trying to be positive. was gonna go to the museum of art tommorrow. guess not.
this songs by okkervil river. i swear to god they wrote it for me:
She was once mine
That smile that shines from the glossy magazine that stuck inside the Sunday Times
She was so sweet on Christmas Eve
With the snow set deep, when we went walking through the pines
I had just been fired and her first offer had arrived
And the new year would see her flying far away from me
Though I didn't know it at the time
With outstretched hands
Now she commands
A famous figure for every picture
And she stands up strong and she demands
And they deliver
Yeah, she's a fixture
And it's a mixture of dumb jealousy and fear that I might feel, should she appear
Just like it hasn't been three years
And there's a distance to her voice over the phone and that's because she stands alone
While I'm still sitting here
Girl, you see me here on another quiet night
I will wait until another indistinguishable day arrives
I'll decide where the light's even and bright
Where my life's sweet as it's slightly, disappointedly, just gliding softly by
And you won't wait for me in some secluded stand of trees some Christmas Eve some god was kind enough to set aside
Although I'd love you to, I'm proud of you
God knows I'm feeling really stupid now
For having ever said goodbye
During the fight
I said, "Yeah right"
When you insisted that I visit, that you'd write
Now, I know you're working hard so I never hear from you, and that's fine
You look the same on TV as when you were mine
I walk in from the kitchen and I finger the remote control
I watch you from the distance, you go walking through the terminal
I remember ever instance, when you stung me
Oh, you're so lovely
Oh, you're so smart
So, go turn their heads, go knock them dead, go break their hearts
Go break their hearts
Baby, break their hearts
And I know you will
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[30 Nov 2008|11:08am] |
I take a shot of Jameson or Jack to start the morning off with old friends
I'll celebrate like it's the anniversary of the day that we first met
I’ve been practicing our eulogy, separated all our things
I took my name off of the lease I’m leaving
'Cause dear, four years hurts less than five
(And it’s never a good time)
I am sorry for all my crimes
And the wandering gaze of my unfaithful eyes
Now I wonder as I am sliding under the subtle control of the drink
If I have enough left in the bottle to say all the things I’m thinking?
I’ve been practicing my exit plan, nervously checking time
I still don’t know how I’ll survive
'Cause dear, four years hurts less than five
(And it’s never a good time)
I am sorry for all my crimes
And the wandering gaze of my unfaithful eyes
It's clear I am an awful mess
(I had to get this off my chest)
Soon the only thing I'll have left
Is your memory and promises never kept
When she came home I made her sit
My feet tap out a rhythm as I draw breath in
To hurt the only one I've loved
“This is so damn hard but I am giving up.”
“The person that you love is dead,
I flooded him out with the Jack and Jameson,
So happy anniversary.
The best gift I could think to give you was to set you free.”
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[28 Nov 2008|05:22pm] |
its getting better. i guess. easier not to text. or call. or bother her. it still hurts and i cant stop thniking about it. but i can control myself a little better. i dont keep looking at my phone every two seconds because i think i hear a beep or feel it buzz. its tough. but i can consciously say ,"no ty. its not happening. and dont call her because you are starting to seem crazy". and so i wont. id say i dont about 80% of the time. its good. better anyways.
it sucks. im hurting. alot. its my fault. still. and thats the worst part. but im ok. im finally saying. im going to be ok.
nat raymond and i are going to start playing music again. and thatll help. ill write again. and be ok again.
please come quick. i need to feel ok.
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[21 Nov 2008|03:04pm] |
things are going good. i feel good. got coffee last night with a very pretty lady. it was very nice and i gave her a comic book. and we talked for a long time and i had an amazing night because of it.
thnaks ;)
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clarity19's journal